There's just nothing to say anymore. I spend my days anxious and afraid. Hiding under blankets. Trying to function. Finding myself exhausted from the effort. Bleeding to make it better. Fixating on train suicide (Google, please stop asking me to call Lifeline, we both know that's not happening). Eventually falling into a sleep I wish would last forever.
It's so odd to be daydreaming about a future I'm passively, and in-often actively, planning not to have. I don't know what to make of myself anymore.
Except to acknowledge that I'm depressed, my meds aren't working and my psychiatrist hasn't called me back.
I'm so sorry, I tried to hard to go to sleep without the kiss of the steel; but some part of me truly needed it.
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