Time Flies

Time is supposed to fly when you're having fun, but fun isn't what I've been having. I've been stuck in a monotony where all the days run into one and suddenly a week has gone by and I still don't know what day it is. It's becoming tiresome this pseudo-existence, but I'm not even sure I care.

The things that happen to me, I can only ask if it's worth it. And I simply cannot say to anyone that it has been, because it really hasn't. I swear, like I actually swear, that every single time things start going smoothly and well and right, something happens and just completely derails everything. I'm just so tired of it, this uphill battle never ends!

I finished roaccutane. But do you think the side effects have ceased in the two months that have passed since? Of course not. I still experience constant pain. I still get blood noses. My hair still comes out at a completely unreasonable rate. I am still exhausted. I fractured some tiny bone in my wrist that no one has ever heard of and it hampers my wrist to varying degrees. I was scarred by the plaster saw. My skin was infected and in addition to the scar from the cut, my skin is scarred from the infected rash. I then wrote off my car. I wrote off my car and everything I had planned just came crashing down around me.

I am so mad at everything. I am so frustrated by everything. I am so tired of everything. I am so profoundly saddened by the things my life continues to throw at me. At some point this was supposed to end and it just didn't. It hasn't and it won't.

Because that would be fair. And if there's one thing I absolutely know about life, it's that it isn't fair.

I'm not sad, or angry, or sorry for any of the thirty cuts I'm currently wearing. I don't know how else to cope with everything. And all these people trying to lessen these things, and trivialise them, and just trying to generally make them less than what they are. I can't deal with that.

I am consumed by two things. How terribly unfair this is, and how badly I need to cut.

- Sky