Reality continues to ruin my life.

For everyday that I survive, I find a new synonym of sad to mark it with. Today, that synonym is melancholy. Each new synonym is a sign of my continuing despair. This despair is measured by the rate at which I'm either treading or drowning in life.

Reality is awful. If it were my choice I would not partake in it any longer. It's drained me of all enthusiasm and energy. My body hurts. I'm mad at people I actually like for no reason at all. And I know why, and I guess that's the really awful part. Knowing. And knowing its mostly out of vanity that you torture yourself in this way.

Yet funnily enough, I'm starting to see a lot of people starting to get down about their own skin. I've done acne for more than seven years. Nothing made it better, and if it did, it made me worse. So I took a leap of faith, and this leap of faith is kicking my arse. Snapping at people, hating life, failing under the pressure of school, shying away from pain, sleeping when I should be facing the day. But I want to see this out. And I will. This leap of faith is kicking my arse, but I'm still here.

For now.

Aside from that, I don't have a lot else to say. Everything is so jumbled and back to front in my mind. Mostly because I'm exhausted, I think. Took me half the day to wake up. Ask me a simple questions, takes me five minutes to produce a reasonable answer. So much cloud, jumble and vagueness. Aided by pain. Nothing's quite straight at the moment.

Side effects.

Like me really.

I don't want to go to work. I reasoned with myself that I only have a few weeks left, but that was poor motivation when your mind, body and soul are crying for rest. Boss gave me silence when I asked, so I'm not setting an alarm. Poor logic maybe, or it will be when he rings me at 3.15am, but I don't care right at this moment. I don't care at all.

I try to tell myself that I don't care about anything, but the reality is that I do. Else I wouldn't be trying this hard to succeed. To win. To beat it.

Why else? Reality ruins my life and I just come back for more. I've consequently reached the conclusion that my logic is weird.

See, told you everything was jumbled. This is utterly incoherent. At least I got some of it all. Will try for more incoherence another time. Maybe. Might take another month, so don't practice holding your breath. My humour is terrible.

- Sky