The more blood the Better.

So I lied.

But inadvertently.

I really did think I was over it.

But she hit the roof, I couldn't remain civil and well... the rest is history now.

So obviously I wasn't as over it as I initially perceived.

I don't really know how I feel about this to be honest. I'm kind of really mixed up. I mean, I was so, so angry as we were fighting. I'll admit spreading what I have probably wasn't the best response, but do I regret it? Not really. Nor do I regret warning anyone about anything. And I most certainly did not cross the friendship line. So I'm starting to think I'm feeling a little bit hurt. Only natural, I suppose. I'm also a touch upset. And then of course, I find myself laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation I now find myself in.

I was told she was upset by the situation, and excuse me for being a little crass but this is how I felt. Not really sorry for that one either. Welcome to my world bitch, it's about time you felt something. A few people had to even pick themselves up off the floor upon hearing that she actually had feelings.

I'm promising myself that this will be it. This friendship cannot continue. It's poison and it will slowly kill me. It has consumed me enough. If this is the way she's going to react to a situation she created herself then I cannot and will not be her friend. I am not a scapegoat and I will not be used nor abused any more. It's not been worth the trauma, or the pain. And I simply cannot live like this. It's not good enough. I do deserve better. I am a person. I do feel. I want to be happy too.

It just seems like I'm not destined to be happy sometimes. I just feed my own demented mental state til I don't know which way is forward any more and I commence walking in circles. So many war wounds, so little progress to show. Another fucked up friendship to add to the list.

There's something wrong with me. Surely. What else would explain it? I could even write a list of all the things that are wrong. But I won't do that because I don't need to see that list. Ever.

Carrying on, once more. Pretending I'm bulletproof without a care in the world.

If only.

- Sky