- I saw my cardiologist on Friday. Of all the doctors I have come across through the duration of my life, he is my favourite. He's interested, he cares and he genuinely wants to find answers. It makes me sad that he's leaving the practice and is thus unable to see any patients for six months. But I highly recommend him to everyone in six months time from November. Seriously awesome doctor.
- The pulmonologist hinted that my visit to see the cardio would be a "see you in six months to run an exercise ECG". Naturally, after waiting one hour and twenty minutes, this was not the case. My blood pressure is of concern, as it is always higher than average when measured and as such I will have to wear a blood pressure monitor for twenty-four hours so they can get a correct measure of it. I also have a tentative exercise ECG scheduled for April with the follow up review with a new cardio.
- The real news out of this visit is that he (the cardio) thinks that the meds unmasked a condition I was already prone to/was going to get anyway. This is, in a sense, much brighter than "you're allergic to the pill" but the outcome does not change. It is still not safe for me to take the pill, which is majorly frustrating. As such, my cardio has also decided that he (and the pulmonoglist, who apparently quite enjoy discussing me behind my back) have reached the extent of my knowledge and they're looking at sending me to see some associate professor, who, in the opinion of the cardio, is the best in Victoria. It is not set in stone, but I'm almost interested to hear what he has to say. Mind you, there is also a very real chance that he won't know what to do either.
- Now, this leaves me in a most interesting position as far as my meds go. Seeing as I am no longer able to take any meds that contain oestrogen or progesterone due to the fact that they exacerbate my pulmonary hypertension, the only real option (that I am aware of, and this could change on the Sept 22nd) seems to be roaccutane. Now, if you're not familiar with roaccutane, I'll fill you in a bit. This med has been linked to depression/suicide in the US. Not quite safe for someone like me, right? Right. That's why I haven't seriously entertained it before now. But with my options direly limited and everyone else convinced that I'm 'better', I think it will be okay. And in a perfect world, I won't be any worse than I am now. But I want to caution everyone now, in the event things do go wrong, that I need you to watch. Because I, if I even notice it at all, am unlikely to point it out. I'll suffer in silence before I dent my pride. So, as my trusted friends, you have been warned.
That was basically that highlights of the original post. And seeing as I'm back into the writing mood, I'll keep talking for a bit, because I know you're all just so starved of what I have to say!
I feel like my moods have been really shifty lately. I'll snap for no reason, or burst into tears without warning. But in saying that, I feel I've been quite stable as well. Which is not new. I do go through these periods of stability before one thing or another upsets my tedious balance. I work hard to keep this balance, I'll have you all know, it's not simple. It's very, very tedious and easily knocked. And this is why I know I'll be unbalanced again sometime and things won't be quite so pretty for me. But I'll savour the calm before the storm while I can, because that's all I can do.
And try not to cut, because my thigh looks spec-fucking-tacular. Not that I hate it either. I am at peace with my scars and I always have been. They're the only sign of an inner turmoil I'm surviving, day by day.
- Sky
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