Or Maybe I'm Just a Dreamer

Ran my excersise stress test. Predictably it went rather badly, lets be honest. I didn’t even manage ten minutes on the treadmill and the attending cardio tried to get me to admit that I’m just horrendously unfit, but seeing as this is simply not true, I will not answer to such a claim.

I mean, I work in racing, I walk nearly 2km’s, at least five times throughout the morning. I am not that unfit and I will not be forced into admitting it.

Anyway, somehow my knees didn’t bust - which is nice - but I did get off the treadmill all light headed and the like, nearly didn’t make the two steps from the treadmill to the bed so they could ultrasound my heart! They said to me “that’s pretty normal” to which I thought “shit, I wonder why!” You are not permitted to eat or drink two hours prior to doing the test. Dizziness is normal… no, really!?

So, my heart function is normal, surprise surprise, but then that isn’t the problem. The attending cardio also noticed that the pressure in my lungs was off - but I knew that - that’s the pulmonary hypertension. 

That’s why I see a pulmonologist.

But its how I got here that bugs me. I am so unbelievably angry. I refuse to accept that this anger is irrational because it isn’t. And I want to beat my head against the wall because I can’t get my head around any of it. I just don’t understand how and/or where everything went so wrong for me. Is it malpractice? I’ve seen so many doctors: GPs and Specialists, and all but one of them pressed on with this med time and time again. I understand that a tiny, tiny minority of people will experience the trouble I’m having with this med, but surely after nearly five years of this recurring symptom someone would have gone “now hang on a minute, this can’t be right?” before now? Guess not.

It’s really just scary to think that we put so much trust and faith into doctors and look what can happen! Sometimes they just get it wrong, and their mistakes change lives - and not for the better. There’s every chance I will have this condition for the rest of my life, and it’s just not fair.

Whatever I did in a past life must have been pretty evil.

- Sky