My Perpetual Circle

I'm tired. I'm tired and I have a headache. I'm tired, I have a headache and I'm completely over this perpetual circle you have me walking. I'm tired, I have a headache, I'm completely over this perpetual circle you have me walking and I don't understand why my only question is 'why?'

So tell me. Why me? Did I do something to you? Is that why all this is happening to me? Is that why I can't feel better about myself? Why I can't be happy? Why my body can't function normally? Why?

No answer? Yeah, essentially what I thought.

Because I'm going to the doctors on Monday and have to sit a SAC and a SAT I can't go with Toby to what will probably be his last race. Because I'm going to the doctors on Thursday I can't go see DeeDee race. I hate the doctors! They can all just go fuck off for all I care. Because it doesn't matter what they say, my life just HAS to get worse before it gets better. And you know, how much worse can it actually get? How.much.worse. I'm done. I've had enough. I'm done. I don't even know anymore. Why do I get up? Clearly, I'm getting nowhere. I feel the same shit everyday, deal with the same shit everyday and do all the same shit all over again each following day. How? Why?

I feel detached. There are two parts to me. One set on being as detrimental as possible and the other is dedicated to pushing the limits and thus I am broken. I disagree with myself constantly. I have these little arguments in my head and if I ever spoke them aloud you'd think I was even more neurotic than you'd previously estimated. The internet tells me that talking to myself and releasing that inner voice promotes good mental health, but I'm more inclined to believe that it means I've reached that point where everything's fucked and no longer worth it because hey, I'm done with all this pain and stupidity. There seems to be no reason for it, so I might just casually walk away from it all now.

Haha. If only.

Not going to lie. I just lost all interest in this entry. May or may not continue in the near future. We shall see.

- Sky